To Everything, Turn, Turn

Mark today down in the history books, peoples, because today I took a spinning class. The instructor was a kind friend who was giving a free class to any takers. And I said, "yes, please." It is time to get rid of some of the baby padding.

Now in case you are not in the know, spinning is the equivalent of biking up the Matterhorn minus the scenery. Lance Armstrong, I am not. He does not have to worry about a challenge from me. The class is an hour long. You heard that right, an hour. I am expected to perch my adult size tookus on a toddler size bicycle seat for 60 minutes. My tookus will never be the same. Mercifully, the room is dark so the eyes of the person behind me do not suffer permanent damage and neither does my ego.

Our instructor is loverly and fit in spandex. I am not in raggedy yoga pants and a hot pink tee. But again, the darkened room comes in handy. We were told to listen to our bodies and not overdo it. Actually, my body was telling me to run far, far away, but I put a gag in its mouth and climbed up on that bike.

You pedal and pedal and pedal and think that you are almost done, when a voice informs you that you are now halfway through the class. Come again? Someone needs to get their watch fixed. At one point when we were standing and pedaling (which is a challenge for me because my knees don't work right), I had to sit down or fall off the bike. I was asked if I was okay. I nodded my head "yes" and replied that I was coasting. There has to be a little bit of downhill. Wheeeeeeeeee! There was a time when I though I wanted to quit, but I persevere and realized that in a situation like this my body has a point where, if I push through, it just gives in and finds that it cannot stop even if it wanted to. I have come this far, I can't. stop. now.

Hydration is a must. I had a bottle of water, but it wasn't quite big enough, so by the end of the class I had run out a few miles back, halfway down the mountain. It was a good thing that I was riding in front of the fan or I would have been cooking in my own sweat. I think I need to hire someone to wipe my brow and hand off drinks and snacks.

So that was my first spin class. I am now sitting comfy at home, and I hurt so good. This was one of the most difficult activities I have ever done. And I am going to do it again. And pay money for it. Crazy, no.

There's a Superpower for That

As mothers we are super heroes just by that fact that we are mothers. It doesn't matter if you pushed that child out with no drugs and then got up and made the dinner (but if you did do that, I am in awe), or if you (as I did) laid there while a doctor set your guts up on your stomach and nurses threw themselves over your chest in order to get that baby out, or if you repeatedly put your heart on the line and waited for a call saying that there was a baby who needed you and was waiting for you to come get them. No matter, we are AWESOME!

But despite our awesomeness and super hero status, there are a few super powers and super accessorise that I would like to have in my possession. They would just be the awesome sauce on top of this Moose Tracks sundae experience that we call motherhood. I shall lay them out here.

*The Cloak of Invisibility: Can you imagine how easy breastfeeding in public would be with this cloak. Now you see me, now you don't. No worries about keeping everything under wraps with a squirming baby. All you have to do is make sure you have positioned yourself somewhere where no one will inadvertently sit on you.

*The Web of Silence: After the eleven millionth time that the siblings have woken up the baby, I desperately need this web. Though I don't know if it should be a web over the baby where he can't hear anything but I can hear him, or a web over the siblings where they can hear me but I and the baby can't hear them. Decisions, decisions.

*The Breath of Sanitation: Passy on the floor of the restaurant, icky bathroom stall on a road trip, a stranger commits the cardinal sin and touches your baby or his toys? No problem. With the Breath of Sanitation just a quick puff and it is just as clean as if it had been boiled or steamed. (Not to be confused with Super Spit which mothers of yore used to clean the odd smudge off the face of a child.)

*The Voice of the Sirens: In Greece mythology the sirens used their voices to seduce sailors to their deaths. For super moms the power is a little less sinister. Lift your voice and your children will not be able to resist your call. They will be drawn to you like moths to a candle. This would be especially helpful in perilous places like Wal-Mart or Target or any other store that has toys.

*Super Stealth: Helpful for sneaking out of a sleeping baby's room. However, combined with the Cloak of Invisibility, you will insure that your children will always be on their toes because they will never know when you are in the room. SCORE!

*Magic Eraser Fingers: A Magic Eraser always with you. This can also be combined with the Breath of Sanitation so you can clean as it happens. But as a warning, these powers should never be used on a child as tempting as it may be. In a pinch, remember the Super Spit.

*Go-Go Gadget Arms: Driving in the van it is inevitable that someone is doing to drop something, and they will think that they NEED. IT. NOW. Your Go-Go Gadget arms can retrieve that dropped toy or passy or send back a tissue.

*Impenetrable Nostrils: Defeat the Vapors of Vomit and Poopies of Power. No smell can get through this nose. No more passing out at changing time.

*Self-cloning: So at least one of you gets a full night sleep. "Nuff said.

So if someone could get on this pretty please, I would be forever grateful. Until that time, I will have to fall back on my old standby super power: The Kiss: whereby I can, for the most part, make it all better.