Wherein I Give Fashion Advice

I have seen the future, people, and it ain't wearing Pajama Jeans.

Let me explain. Tonight, I saw Pajama Jeans IN the flesh. Or, should I say, ON the flesh. Or maybe, THAT STRANGELY LOOK LIKE flesh. Anywho, I digress. Let's examine the Pajama Jeans claims. Ssshhhaaaalllllll we.

Fits Every Figure Perfectly: If by "perfectly" you mean it perfectly defines every curve, bump, roll, wrinkle and pimple, then, yes indeedy, they fit perfectly.

Smooth Butt-Lifting Design: Ummm, you are trying to tell me that something that is "as soft and comfortable as pajamas" are going to help my tookus (which is already soft and comfortable) defy gravity. RIIIIIIIIIGHT!

Pant Leg Flares to a Stylish Boot-cut: Well, if the PJJ (PaJama Jeans) that I saw tonight are any measure, the pant leg takes the shape of the leg which it enrobes. So, yeah, if your leg flares to a stylish boot-cut shape then the PJJ will definitely flare to a stylish boot-cut shape.
(Disclaimer: I read somewhere that PJJ do have a wider leg so maybe I was witnessing jeggings tonight or knockoff PJJ.)

Sexy Second Skin: If your first skin isn't that sexy, doesn't that kind of give the second skin a pit to dig itself out of? Just sayin'.

Fit Virtually Every Figure: One of the definitions of virtually is "almost but not quite; nearly". So does that mean that on almost all figures out there PJJ will look A-Mazing, or that on all figures out there PJJ will almost fit, but not quite. Does that make sense? It sounds so right in my head.

Great for Busy Moms on the G0: Now people, it just isn't right to bring the kiddies into this. Do not taunt us harried, sleep deprived moms with false promises of a pair of magic pants that will make us automatically look all put together. That ain't fighting fair.

Designer Look and Fit for Just $39.95: *Cough, sputter.* Putting the dubious claim of "designer look and fit" aside, the fact is, if I spend that much money on clothes, it's not going to be on a pair of glorified sweats.

So there you have it. My recommendation: Do Not Be Tempted By the Magic Pants. Nothing good can come of it.